‘Ah, Lord God! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and outstretched arm. There is nothing too hard for You. Jeremiah 32:17
The more my health has gone down hill, the less control I have. It is out of my control. The struggles I face everyday can be overwhelming and frustrating. It can feel like a never ending nightmare.
Even though I need God I sometimes struggle with letting all my worries go and letting God take over. I have to learn to let go, and let God be in control. I need to move forward with my relationship with God. Giving God control will give me the strength to move forward to the next step in my life, whatever that maybe. Trusting God is how I am going to get through this and be a stronger person.
Even though my problems seem too big for me, they aren’t big for God. There will never be a problem too big for God. I know that with God nothing is impossible. God knows what I am going through and I now I need to follow his lead.
Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22
Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
You say, “It’s impossible.” God says, “All things are possible.” (Luke 18:27)
You say, “I’m too tired.” God says, “I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)
You say, “I can’t go on.” God says, “My grace is sufficient.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
You say, “I can’t do it.” God says, “You can do all things.” (Philippians 4:13)
You say, “I can’t manage.” God says, “I will meet all your needs.” (Philippians 4:19)
You say, “I’m afraid.” God says, “I have not given you a spirit of fear.” (2 Timothy 1:7)
You say, “I’m lonely.” God says, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5)
You say, “I am worried.” God says, “Cast all your cares on me.” (1 Peter 5:7).
This song says it all!
Jesus Calling~ April 24th
REST IN THE STILLNESS of My Presence while I prepare you for this day. Let the radiance of My Glory shine upon you, as you wait on Me in confident trust. Be still and know that I am God. There is both a passive and an active side to trusting Me. As you rest in My Presence, focusing on Me, I quietly build bonds of trust between us. When you respond to the circumstances of your life with affirmations of trust, you actively participate in this process.
I am always with you, so you have no reason to be afraid. Your fear often manifest itself in excessive planning. Your mind is so accustomed to this pattern of thinking that you are only now becoming aware of how pervasive it is and how much it hinders your intimacy with Me. Repent of this tendency and resist it, whenever you realize you are wandering down this well-worn path. Return to My Presence, which always awaits you in the present moment. I accept you back with no condemnation.
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.” ~Psalm 46:10
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, ~Romans 8:1
For the past five and half years I have always needed an adjustment. The instability of my structure, has been the most frustrating, annoying, and painful ongoing problem of my illness. Since I was thirteen my structure has been unstable. I was having joint pain and didn’t know where to go so I started seeing a DO on a weekly basis. I pretty much needed a regular adjustment a little bit of cranial work done, and I would be a little sore, but the most part I was ok till my next appointment.
I was fourteen I started having chronic sinus infections, and would have an adjustment once of twice week. My structure was gradually becoming worse, one time I went to a chiropractor, and he said that my structure was similar to someone who had been in a car accident. When I was fifteen my muscles were starting to get tighter, and my sinus infections continued, so I started seeing a naturopathic doctor. I had to go two to three times a week and I wasn’t having much relief.
By the time I was sixteen I was needing a three or four adjustments a week. When I would go to my functional/chiropractic he adjusted my cranial bones more and it started to clear up my sinuses. My muscles were feeling worse. My spine, neck, hips, pelvis, cranial bones were constantly out of place. I had chronic neck and back pain. I was in constant pain. I was needing adjustments more and more, it was becoming exhausting. It became hard for me to go without an adjustment. Even going without one for a weekend is really hard, my oxygen and blood sugar become low, my muscle pain is severe, slow CSF, and I have many other complications. I was needing an adjustment five days a week.
The worse my body was internally getting it made my structure worse. When I as seventeen I was really sick. I had inflammation in my brain, my structure was terrible. I was miserable. I could hardly move. I was getting cranial work done twice a day just to stay alive. The only time I wasn’t in pain was the little amount of sleep I would get. This went on off and on for a few months until I met my other doctor. When I was eighteen I began having fascia and soft tissue done five to six a week.
A few months of this some of my pain slowly got a little bit better, but I was still needing work done daily. In the past few months it has become harder to go even a few hours to go without an adjustment. My pain becomes intense, my body starts to slow down really quicker, I will occasional have vertigo. The weekends are usually pretty miserable. Having these problems all the time is really wearing on me physically and mentally. I am absolutely sick of it. Even if I feel a little better internally, structurally I am still unstable. Now that that my body has been like this for so long does it even have the capability to stay stable?
I am grateful I have met some generous, helpful caring doctors. I have had a few miracles along the way. Over the years, they have been kind enough to work on weekends, long hours, holidays, it has helped me stay alive. I don’t know where I would be without there help, but now we are running out of options, and ideas. What happens now?
Doing these treatments are hard on my body. I still cant help but wonder, how much more can my body handle? How much more can I handle? How am going to get through this this time? Will I being doing this for the rest of my life? How much longer can I survive living like this? What if my body rejects all my treatments, then what?
Through faith, generosity of others, and hard work I have made it this far. I pray that I will be able to keep going. I won’t give up.