When its dark enough…

For the past few years a day hasn’t gone by without some type of pain and exhaustion. I have never been in the “recovery” process. I have never been able to gain momentum. My illness has only gotten worse. For the past two and half years my symptoms has been severe everyday, and we have never been able to get a handle on pretty much anything.

I have my “normal” problems that I live with, but Every time my body has a crisis episode, I become severely ill, and my “normal” chronic level becomes worse. Every single time. It never goes back to where was. For the past two and years the “episodes” become more severe and more frequent.

Exactly two years ago my illness became a lot worse. I had one of the worst episodes I have ever had.

At the time I had swelling in my brain, along with a lot of other problems, and that changed the severity of my illness completely. The pain, and pressure in my head was unlike anything I had ever felt before. My mind and body went in survival mode. I didn’t think about anything accept the next step, the next minute. Eventually the swelling did go down, but my “normal” chronic level changed. My brain has never been same, the chemistry changed, everything became worse. Ever since then I felt some type of pain or fatigue almost every waking moment.

The problems didn’t end there, the past year and half I have had hundreds of appointments. I have tried hundreds of different supplements. I have spent hundreds of hours detoxing, working out scar tissue, fascia, adhesions, and a lot of other work. I had to have the ligaments, and tissue of my jaw fixed through other alternative treatments. The list continues to go on.

I try to take it one day at a time. One step at a time.

Even though my illness changed for the worse, I changed for the better. My perspective on life changed. The experienced changed me. It gave me strength.

It brought me closer to God. It has taught me how to be patient, and to trust God no matter what.

This continues to be a challenge I face everyday, but I guess its true what they say….When its dark enough, you can see the stars. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing worth having comes without a fight, got to kick the darkness ’til it bleeds daylight-Bruce Cockburn

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Unpredictable

 Living with severe, debilitating symptoms I can never let my guard down.

Everyday is unpredictable.

Every few hours I have to continually try to treat my symptoms or it becomes out of control.

Not only does the pain and exhaustion get worse, but my whole body functions extremely slow. My organs, lymphatic, CSF, slow down severely. The pain becomes unbearable. I can’t function like this.

Soon I have symptoms on top symptoms, and my body goes down hill very quickly. I have to dig myself out of a hole just to get back up to my “regular” chronic symptoms.

How I am supposed to break this pattern?

I won’t give up.

You say, “It’s impossible.” God says, “All things are possible.” (Luke 18:27)

You say, “I can’t do it.” God says, “You can do all things.” (Philippians 4:13)

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Very Inspiring Blogger award

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RULES:
–  Thank the person who nominated you for the award.
–  Add the logo to your post.
–  Nominate ten (10) bloggers you admire and inform them of the nomination.

Thank you so much to Nikki at https://undiagnosedwarrior.wordpress.com and to Kate at http://carrotsinmycarryon.com for nominating for The Very Inspiring Blogger Award. : )

Thank you for reading my blog! I have gotten so more out of my blog than I ever thought I would.

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I nominate:

  1. https://itspotsable.wordpress.com
  2. https://midgetaylor143.wordpress.com
  3. https://predestined26.wordpress.com
  4. https://realaboutlife.wordpress.com
  5. https://rupinderkw.wordpress.com
  6. https://orlandoespinosa.wordpress.com
  7. https://allthedaysthelordhasmade4me.wordpress.com
  8. https://escharae.wordpress.com
  9. https://sonshineseeker.wordpress.com
  10. https://predestinedpurpose.wordpress.com

Everybody has a story to tell. image

Good and Bad

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This week has been filled with few changes. Some good, and some really bad.

At the beginning of the week my cranials were a bit more stable, and and my neck pain was a little less than normal. My cerebral spinal fluid was running better. I still have to go to appointments and treatments, but it is definitely good change. I was also fortunate enough to be able to get a laser I can keep at my house, and that has helped with some of the pain.

Even though my pain has been a little better I have been feeling more weak and exhausted than usual. I have not been feeling rested at all. My brain is still extremely heavy and tired. My lymphatic system runs slower than usual. My legs are very heavy, weak, and exhausted. I am too exhausted to sit up for no more than a few minutes.

The longer my exhaustion goes on like this the more unstable my cranials, brain, and the rest of my body starts to become. Everything functions even slower than normal.

I guess for I have to focus on one problem at a time. I’m hoping I will start to see more good changes soon.

Strong

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So true. My illness has given me the tools to become the person I needed to be.

I have learned to give God control and let him be my strength.

Romans 5:4 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, wea have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And web boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but wec also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.