Trying to keep up

Trying to keep up with a chronic illness

Trying to keep up with someone who is healthy:

hghgfghjkl  When I think I am doing ok, but my body decides otherwise:

67777777777777   When I think I can keep going, but my body will not:




I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. Nelson Mandala



For a long time I felt like all I was doing was going in circles, standing still unable to move forward. Living with constant, debilitating pain with no real relief, unable to even sit up with no more than a few minutes at a time. Everything was a struggle. Now I am finally able to say I am starting to move forward, able to look for a direction.

For a long time my illness has controlled every part of my life. Even in high school going to class became a struggle, and even work from home became too much. Since I was unable to go to school I put everything into my health, trying to get better I worked really hard at it, but my health continued to get worse. For about a year and half I was unable to do any schoolwork, and later I looked for a program online. I completed it at home, and I was given a diploma, but my health had gotten worse and I didn’t think much about it until a few weeks ago, and I found out that is it not accredited for colleges like it said it would be. Which is frustrating to hear, but now this is the first thing I am going to work toward as I continue to work towards getting better.

At times is easy for me to be hard on myself, or to compare my self to others who are healthy, but I have made really good progress in the last three months. I am turning twenty in a few days, and it feels so good to know that I am getting closer to be able to start living. Not just surviving.

Don’t compare your progress with that of others. We all need to travel our own distance. – unknown

You are valuable because you exist not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because you are you. Max Lucado

And each went straight forward; wherever the spirit was about to go, they would go, without turning as they went. Ezekiel 1:12



The pain is real

Living with an chronic invisible illness can be hard to explain to others how much your pain you live with. Sometimes its easier to downplay how much pain your in.


Trying to have a conversation with someone while in a lot of pain:


“Why are you in so much pain?”


When the pain is at its worst:


“You seem fine”


“How can you be in so much pain, but still look fine?”


The truth:


No more pretending:


Invisible Illness Awareness week