Changes

Having a chronic illness changes everything.

I wouldn’t say things changed overnight. Throughout the years when my illness gradually got worse things changed, and they kept changing. I tried to adapt to all changes.

You change everything. Your priorities. Your routine. The way you think. Everything.

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I spent so much of my time searching.

For a plan. For answers. The right doctor.

I spent so much time feeling confused and lost.

For such a long time I never really knew what was going on or what was wrong. I never knew what to do next, or what to do at all. Things were out of control. I was to sick to think about anything other than my illness.

The pain. The exhaustion. The struggle. The fight. The confusion. It was easy to get lost along the way. To lose myself.

I am now ready to Find my way. Not to find my way back, but to start over.

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Closer

I don’t want this feeling to be apart of me anymore.  I should be used to it by now. I want to it leave. The pain. The struggle. Feeling lost.

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I am closer now, though. To the light. The hope. The Freedom. The Joy.  Its there, I know it is. I look for it. I am ready to find it. To feel it. Its close.

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A New Year!

I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re doing something. Neil Gaiman

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