Blessing

There have been times throughout my illness when I wondered if God was listening to my prayers. I wondered if he knew how much I was struggling. How much I needed help from him. So many times, almost all time, I wonder what is God’s purpose for me throughout all of this. There have also been times where I thought that asking for his help would be a sign of weakness. Putting all of my trust in God hasn’t been a easy journey.

Slowly my faith has gotten stronger. I am learning to trust in God’s plan, and his timing even when I don’t understand it. He has made my struggle, my pain, my illness possible for me get through it. He has made it possible for me to be in recovery, and to make as much progress as I have.

I have been blessed with this amazing gift of getting better. I have been given this second chance, and I don’t want to waste it.

I thank you God for this most amazing day, for the leaping greenly spirits of trees, and for the blue dream of sky and for everything which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes. ~e.e. cummings

Psalm 18:6 “But in my distress I cried out to the LORD; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary, my cry to him reached his ears.”

Job 5:9 “He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted.”

Psalm 81:6-7 “I removed the burden from their shoulders; their hands were set free from the basket. In your distress you called and I rescued you, I answered you out of a thundercloud; I tested you at the waters of Maribah.”

April 27

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Not as bad!

The past few days I have had a few small improvements. My oxygen and sugar levels have been more stable. I am not feeling well, but for the time being my body seems to be out of crisis. My brain fog is a little better sometimes. Pretty much everything else is same. I am still sticking with my new Plan.

I still have so many problems, and symptoms that we have to figure out how to take of. I guess I will just take everything day by day and hope for the best.

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Unpredictable

 Living with severe, debilitating symptoms I can never let my guard down.

Everyday is unpredictable.

Every few hours I have to continually try to treat my symptoms or it becomes out of control.

Not only does the pain and exhaustion get worse, but my whole body functions extremely slow. My organs, lymphatic, CSF, slow down severely. The pain becomes unbearable. I can’t function like this.

Soon I have symptoms on top symptoms, and my body goes down hill very quickly. I have to dig myself out of a hole just to get back up to my “regular” chronic symptoms.

How I am supposed to break this pattern?

I won’t give up.

You say, “It’s impossible.” God says, “All things are possible.” (Luke 18:27)

You say, “I can’t do it.” God says, “You can do all things.” (Philippians 4:13)

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