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Hope

“Hope is not optimism. Hope is a dog fight for serious people determined to make it in a difficult world. Hope is not cute or whimsical, wishful thinking. It is a resolution to trust in the promises of God even when everything around looks bleak. Hope is for grown-ups.” – Lee Younger

Hard Work

This week started out pretty rough. I had been feeling extremely weak and exhausted, and I had a lot of toxins in my body. I had two appointments a day with different doctors detoxing and having cranial adjustments. This week I put in what would usually be a couple weeks of work in a couple days and it paid off. Having both treatments done I am feeling a little bit stronger, and body is a little bit more stable than the beginning of week. It is a relief to see my body reacting to the treatments in a positive way. I hoping I can continue to see good results next week!

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Moving forward!

This past weekend my brain has been feeling heavy and exhausted. I have still been working on detoxing toxins. Even though I have feeling pretty sick some of my muscle pain and tightness hasn’t been as bad. This is really good step for me. I am hoping that all this hard work continues to pay off and I can continue to see some improvement.

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Reality

The first three years I was sick no one had an answer to why my illness was getting worse. Most of the doctors I had seen didn’t believe I was that sick, and they thought that it would pass in a weeks, or months, and it never did. I was 16 when I met my functional medicine doctor (who still helps me today). I finally felt relieved when I found a doctor that seemed to understand how sick I was. At the time my fatigue and stomach problems were my most debilitating issues. I found out multiple bacteria parasites, severe leaky gut, which had destroyed the cell walls in my gut, and a lot of other problems. After I got a few test results back I was told that if we didn’t start to turn things soon that I would mostly likely get one disease right after another and I probably would only live approximately five or six more years.I figured if I put in the hard work and time into getting better that I could turn things and eventually feel better. I have always tried to find a way to have a better quality of life and I finally felt like I had a direction and plan. Even after these results I didn’t know how severe my metabolic pathway dysfunction was, and I am still learning more about it now.

As time went on my stomach was slowly feeling a little better, but my fatigue was becoming worse and a lot of new terrible symptoms started showing up. I was getting worse really fast and about a year and half later I was having terrible episodes right after another. I had chronic infections, bacteria, severe inflammation throughout my body, exhaustion, I was in pain all the time, just to name a few. I was having two treatments a day to stay aIive, but I got through it. I had no idea what to do next. I was desperate for relief from the pain. A few days after my 18th birthday I came across another doctor, who started treating me daily, my structure was horrible. I was constantly dealing with one problem after another, and I still am. I don’t know how to to help those problems get better. I hope we will be able to.

In a year and half I have taken over a hundrends different supplements. I detoxed my liver  for the second time, detoxed heavy metals, and parasites multiple times, had chronic infections. I have had a lot of severe toxic reactions throughout my whole body, constant soft tissue work, and a lot more.  I am constantly trying to treat my symptoms I can never get ahead of my illness. Every time I have a infection or bad episode I get worse. It has been so hard to try to say somewhat stable. The pace of my illness has been faster then we thought it would be.

About six months ago I woke up one morning and I had the worse toxic episode I have ever had. My body has been worse ever since, and it has continued to worsen. It has gone down hill even faster. We do know that the reason for these problems starts in my metabolic pathways, and Gentic defects with my DNA. I don’t have control of my illness most of the time, and that makes me nervous.

I am so thankful that my doctors are willing to help as much as they do because I don’t know what I would do without there help. He has been very honest with me and he doesn’t know how else to keep my body going or how to help me have a better quality of life. At this point have to go everyday to the doctor just to survive is so frustrating.  The reality of where I am physically is hard to deal with sometimes. My body is not stable. I am not where I thought I would be at this time. I am alive but I want to live. I want more than to survive. I am not giving up. I don’t want to give up.

Searching for Meaning

To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering. – Friedrich Nietzsche

Lately I have been feeling terrible. Everytime I eat or take my supplements my body it creates toxins in my body. So we have been trying to get rid of the toxins, and keep my brain stable, but I don’t know what else to do about it. Since my body is having a hard time processing nutrients which has made my brain be very deficient.  I have also have been having problems with my Arteries and my aterial wall, which just puts a lot more stress on my body. The reality of my illness is hard to deal with sometimes, and can be very overwelming.

To try and make the best out of a bad situation or try to be Postive is sometimes the only thing you can do. Worrying about every little problem is not going to help me feel better, so I just want to try my best and hope for the best. My illness has made me mentally stronger even though I have become physically weaker.