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Tired

Chronic illness problems

When I want to run away from my illness:

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Thinking I can do more when I’m exhausted:

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When I think about walking around when I’m exhausted:

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Exhausted

Feeling exhausted

When the exhaustion hits you hard:fsz8eRM When I try to do more than I am able to:

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Progress!

Over the past few weeks I have been continuing to make progress! My brain is continuing to get better. After seven years of being sick, and about three years of basically being home bound, I am finally seeing real progress!

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I have working on getting some strength back a little bit at time. Some things are becoming more bearable. Things like sitting up a little longer at a time, walking around a little more. My brain feels fatigued most of time, and I still get exhausted easily, but on some days it will come and go through out the day, and rest will help me feel a little better sometimes. which is something that hasn’t happened in years!

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Overall things moving in really good direction. I’m glad to see this as huge step forward, and I am excited I am slowly able to rebuild a new life.

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More than fatigue

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Feeling exhausted everyday, all day long is extremely draining physically, emotionally, and mentally. It is so much more than fatigue it is being exhausted after the simplest of  tasks. Here are a few things Chronic illness suffers can relate to.

Being exhausted feels kind of like this:

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and this..

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So it seems like this:

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Fighting

Nothing about being chronically sick is easy. Being able to do little things usually seem like big things. Little dreams seem like big dreams.

Going a day without needing an appointment or going without pain, and exhaustion would be a amazing. Its been years since that has happened. I pray it will.

I am unable to drive, go to school, have a job. But fighting to get through the day, surviving the day, is a job all on its own.

Everyday seems like a fight. Everything I do, I fight to do it.

I fight everyday. I fight for my heath. I fight to live. I fight for a future.

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Even if I am feeling a little better my symptoms are still debilitating. Being able to sit up for an hour or so without too much pain or exhaustion is considered a better day. Being able to sit outside, or walking into the kitchen to get my food or drink is something I usually  have to push through to do. Even taking a shower, with a shower chair is still hard most of the time.

How did everything become this hard?

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I can’t run away from my illness. To get through this I have to face it head on, and that is what I try to do everyday.

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I don’t know direction I am headed in.

Do I even have a direction?

I know what my goal is, to get better, to live, not just survive. I guess I will start with that.