Road to Recovery

The road to recovery will not always be easy, but I will take it one day at a time, focusing on the moments I’ve dreamed about for so long. Amanda Linkhout

I have been continuing to make strides in my recovery. I am still seeing step by step improvements. This is the type of improvement I have always wanted to see.

Today I was able to do something I haven’t been able to do in a few years. I walked a mile. It was beautiful outside today, and I’m glad I got to enjoy it.

Right now, I am going to keep working on strengthening my muscles in my neck and back.

 One step at a time I am going to continue to make more improvements, and work towards getting better.

February 19th

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Honestly

Every single aspect of living a chronic illness is hard to handle. Everything in your life becomes harder, all the things you used to take for granted don’t come easy anymore.

Sometimes my illness gets the better of me. Sometimes, I hate how hard it can be to hold it all together. I hate how it controlled my life for so long. I hate the pain it has created.

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After seven and half years of dealing with my illness I have learned that no matter what stage my illness has been in that none of them have been easy to handle, it is all difficult. Before I found my current treatment this past summer, my illness came with difficulty like I have never faced before. For about four years or so my life was filled with continuous struggles, difficult battles, and constant pain like I have never felt before. Not being able to escape my illness.

There were so many days that I felt like I don’t know how I was supposed to handle everything. There were so many days I didn’t know how I could handle the same struggles with illness everyday. Everyday I would wake up and the fight was always there. There were so many times when I felt like I had hit my breaking point. All that I have wanted for so long is to feel better.

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But before my illness became so bad I always believed that I could feel better, and I knew I would try my hardest, and I would never quit. Since I have never had an official diagnosis for all of my problems, than no one could really tell me that I could never get better.

For a long time I never really wanted to admit that I couldn’t handle all this. At times it felt as if I was pretending is wasn’t that bad, like it didn’t affect me as much as it actually did. Who was I trying to convince, myself?

For some reason I remember a specific time  two years ago when I had admitted out loud for the first time (of what I can recall anyway) about how I don’t want to be sick anymore. I want to live, to do more than just survive. I’m tired. So tired. How can I keep doing this every single day? How can I handle anymore? I just want to be healthy, more than anything. Of course, I never wanted to be sick, and I always wanted my illness to go away, but for some reason I couldn’t say the words out loud before that point.

I used to think that would be a weakness admitting it was all to much, but its not. It made me feel as if a weight had lifted. It had change my perspective, and it helped me find an inner strength I didn’t know I had. It wasn’t till a year and half after that, that I would find what I had always been working towards. I found my path to recovery. The truth I know now is I was never going to be able to handle this on my own, my faith has kept me going, and to not give up hope.

1 John 5:5 Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  2 Timothy 4:7

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This journey has also taught me that the moments of joy you feel are important, even the smallest of moments. You can’t take them for granted.1a2da96d522eaf13d6350f8ff312ea07 The fight has never been easy, but overall with this feeling, this hope, this faith it has been worth it.

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Recovery So Far

Over the past six months Recovery has not easy, but it has been worth it.

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Since I have been sick I had never been in the recovery stage before. My illness had continued to get worse for years. When I got sick my life gradually changed as I got worse, and I am now slowly starting to build my life back up one step at a time. This is new process for me, I am learning as I continue to go down this road.

Being in recovery has been a huge blessing, but getting well is not easy.

My recovery process so far..

June 2015:

I met my Chiropractor Neurologist in the end of June and started my treatment.

July:

I was having three to five appointments a week. I had all my treatments done laying down. Treatments made me feel exhausted, but I started to see some good results from them. About two weeks into treatment I my brain began feeling less heavy, some pain started getting better, I didn’t have to think about every step. I didn’t feel like my body was in survival mode anymore.  I was able to walk around the house a little more by the end of the month.

August:

I was still having three to four appointments a week. My exhaustion became really intense, but some of my other symptoms were starting to get a little better. The inflammation I had in face was going away. I no longer felt like I needed adjustments everyday. My pain was continuing to get better. I no longer had pain 24/7. By the end of August as my brain continued to get better, the fog started clearing and it almost felt as if I could see world more clearly for the first time in years.

September:

I was having about three appointments a week. My exhaustion started getting a little better, my stomach was also starting to get a little better. The suffocating feeling that my brain used to feel all the time is no longer there. My muscles became quite sore because it was not used to do much other than laying down. My muscle felt fatigued quickly. I was starting to feel more stable. I started to sit up a little more, and I was able to do some of my treatments sitting up in a chair. I was able to gain all the weight back that I had I lost at the beginning of the year. I began to get out of the house a little more at a time. My brain fog I use to have all time was improving a lot. I had a hard figuring out how much I was able to do before it was too much on my body. Since I started feeling better than I used to it was easy for me think I was healthier than I actually was.

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October:

I was still having about three appointments a week. I started sitting up more, and my hips, neck, back, legs, and shoulder muscles were really sore and painful. I was noticing that the inflammation I had in my stomach, and joints was getting so much better. I was able to start working on homework, even though it was pretty exhausted at to work on it. I had caught a cold that had caused quite a bit more pain and fatigue, but it did not set the progress that I had already made back. When I had my cold I took a week off treatments and I didn’t feel like I was going backwards for the first time. When my cold was gone I was able to pick back up right where we left off in my treatments.

November:

I started the month having three appointments a week, but the progress felt like it was moving a lot slower than before, so I had treatments more often. On some days homework has been a little easier to work on. I started feeling some of the same symptoms I had before recovery,  but it wasn’t quite as intense. We were able to work through it though, and I haven’t had them since.

December:

I am able sit up quite a bit more during most days. So many symptoms that were explained have disappeared. My appointments are starting to lessen. The days have been up and down and there my body was fighting off a virus. My neck has been hurting a lot, but my back and hips are feeling so much better. I able to starting walking more, and I able to do a little more of my treatments at home. I walked a half mile for the first time in years, and even though it is tiring I am able to recover after I rest! Each time I go for a walk it gets easier.

Recovery has not been perfect, not every day is good. Some days are bad, and some days are really bad, but taking things one step at time has made things a little easier to handle and is not so overwhelming that way. I have goals I set for myself that I am to work towards achieve in 2016.

       December 21st

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“Do not confuse my bad days as a sign of weakness. Those are actually the days I’m fighting my hardest.” – Unknown

 Isaiah 41:10’Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

Philippians 4:13

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

Isaiah 40:31 Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.

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More quotes…

Some more quotes

“Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” – John Wooden

“One of the most courageous things you can do is identify yourself, know who you are, what you believe in and where you want to go.” – Sheila Murray Bethel

“When you get to your wits end, you will find, God lives there. ~Author Unknown”

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Constant fixing

This is a good description about what living with a chronic illness is like. Trying to feel better is not easy. Even when I am feeling better at times doesn’t mean that my illness is gone. It takes constant work to keep things under control, and to continue to feel better.

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Capable

You are capable of more than you know. Choose a goal that seems right for you and strive to be the best, however hard the path. Aim high. Behave honorably. Prepare to be alone at times, and to endure failure. Persist! The world needs all you can give.

E. O. Wilson

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Character

 “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” ~Helen Keller

Having a Chronic illness

Here are a few things people with a chronic illness go through.

Being chronically sick can be hard for some of the people around us to understand what it feels like, and what we go through on daily basis. anigif_enhanced-buzz-25371-1411678360-13It can also be hard to explain to others when we are still continuing to try to figure everything out. Sometimes I am not quite sure what to say.

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We try to deal with things the best we can, but it is never easy.

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Sometimes its easier to pretend were ok, but it can be emotionally draining.

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greys2Sometimes I just feel like I need to let every emotion pour out of me, and I cant hold it in any longer.

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I guess I am still working on figuring everything out.

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