Moment to Moment

 

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This perfectly describes what I was feeling for so long. The pain always there, everything seemed to make it worse. Everything was a hard. Living in survival mode, only able to think about the step right in front of me. Moment to moment. Changing my whole life to accommodate for the pain and exhaustion. Living in that place for over three years with no escape, it feels like a miracle not to be in that in that same place anymore. I still battle with my illness, but the fight is different. I finally feel free.

You say: “I can’t figure things out”
God says: I will direct your steps

You say: ” I can’t do it”
God says: You can do all things

You say: ” I can’t manage”
God says: I will supply all your needs

 

 

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Spoon theory

Life with a chronic illness

The spoon theory is an analogy used by some people with a disability and people with chronic illness to describe their everyday living experience when their disability or illness presents in a reduced amount of energy available for productive tasks.

Running out of spoons so quickly:

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Needing more spoons:

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Overwhelming fatigue

 

The overwhelming fatigue

Having Chronic Fatigue is more than being tired. The exhaustion can be unbearable. It is overwhelming to feel like this on a regular basis.

when the fatigue is overwhelming:

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when the fatigue stops you:

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When someone asks me what my plans are when my fatigue is really extreme:

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:When I am too tired to get out of the house:

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Having bad days:

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Having good days:

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Unclear

Sometimes when I look back on the last few years, it all kind of seems like a blur. Being in constant pain and feeling exhausted all the time the days just seem to blend together. Weeks turned into months, and somehow years went by.

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Looking back Its sort of feels like as if I was awake, but not truly aware of what was going on around me. I could see, but I didn’t know what I looking at. Life is passing by, but I am unable to keep up. Wanting to move, but unable to go anywhere. Searching for answers, only to find for more questions. Living in a fog, with the view ahead unclear.

While the view ahead is still unclear, the fog is slowly starting to clear.

“The only time you should look back, is to see how far you’ve come.” – unknown

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oh look! more gifs!

   more gifs about living with a chronic illness…

Me when I think about my illness:

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Trying to hide from my problems like:

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When I explain the craziness my illness brings to my life:

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When I have a low pain day:

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On a really bad pain day:

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Who I am

For the past few years my illness has taken over my whole life. I couldn’t escape the pain, and the exhaustion. I couldn’t think about anything but the pain or how to get rid of it. It wasn’t always this way. I tried living my life as normal as possible for a couple years, but as my illness became worse it gradually took over everything. Somewhere along the way I got lost in my illness.

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I guess I didn’t really know who I was before I got sick. I was twelve when I first got sick, so who really are you when your only twelve years old? Being sick changed me. I mean, how could it not? I don’t know who I would be if I wouldn’t have gotten sick.

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My illness is not me, and its not who I will become. I am ready to figure out who I am aside from my illness.

tumblr_lyd8jo6Ssx1qj0z5oo1_500I don’t know what lies ahead, but I am ready to figure it out.

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Things change

Living with a chronic illness has made everything in my life hard. It has not been easy. Watching life just pass by. Alive, but not living.

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I am finally at a place I can start to move forward. I am ready for this change, to move forward. Wherever it takes me.

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My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. – Maya Angelou