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Sunset

February 6th

I was able to go for a short walk and see this amazing sunset.

“Stop, take a moment, look around and appreciate the beauty in your life.” – Gail Lynne Goodwin

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This Imperfect Life

 

This Life is messy, unpredictable, and imperfect. Life will never be perfect. Healthy or Sick, but life doesn’t have to be perfect to have meaning. Life can be simple, and it can still be great.

Its easy to think back on hard times and wonder if you could have changed things or somehow avoided some of the struggle or the pain.  I felt anger, depressed, and confused at times when I have thought about it.  I am still learning from those experiences. One thing all of this has taught me is to notice the joy in the small things I used to take for granted.  I have also learned that whether I am healthy or sick life is imperfect.  There will be always be good days and bad.

There will be hardships, and challenges that is inevitable.

When I recover I will have the courage to let go of the past. – unknown

I want to move forward. I want the future to be great. I want to be healthy.

I want to learn to live in moment. I want to feel free of the past.

There will always be goals to set. To work towards. There are always things to learn, and reasons to grow.

“I like cancelled plans. And empty bookstores. I like rainy days and thunderstorms. And quiet coffee shops. I like messy beds and over-worn pajamas. Most of all, I like the small joys that a simple life brings.” – Unknownbe53c5443d5940cd09437f6778ed75cb

This hope

Through this illness, struggle, and pain ,and through this fight I have this hope.

This hope of being able to find true happiness beyond this struggle.

This hope of being able to be stronger from all of this.

This hope of being able to get better, to fully recover.

This hope of being able to try new things and not be afraid.

This hope of being able to truly live not just survive.

This hope of being able to find myself in my struggle.

This hope of being able to reach my goals for the future.

Hope, Faith, Goals, Dreams. I want to make these things the focus of my life moving forward.

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Changes

Having a chronic illness changes everything.

I wouldn’t say things changed overnight. Throughout the years when my illness gradually got worse things changed, and they kept changing. I tried to adapt to all changes.

You change everything. Your priorities. Your routine. The way you think. Everything.

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I spent so much of my time searching.

For a plan. For answers. The right doctor.

I spent so much time feeling confused and lost.

For such a long time I never really knew what was going on or what was wrong. I never knew what to do next, or what to do at all. Things were out of control. I was to sick to think about anything other than my illness.

The pain. The exhaustion. The struggle. The fight. The confusion. It was easy to get lost along the way. To lose myself.

I am now ready to Find my way. Not to find my way back, but to start over.

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A New Year!

I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re doing something. Neil Gaiman

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New-Year-Quotes

 

Moment to Moment

 

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This perfectly describes what I was feeling for so long. The pain always there, everything seemed to make it worse. Everything was a hard. Living in survival mode, only able to think about the step right in front of me. Moment to moment. Changing my whole life to accommodate for the pain and exhaustion. Living in that place for over three years with no escape, it feels like a miracle not to be in that in that same place anymore. I still battle with my illness, but the fight is different. I finally feel free.

You say: “I can’t figure things out”
God says: I will direct your steps

You say: ” I can’t do it”
God says: You can do all things

You say: ” I can’t manage”
God says: I will supply all your needs

 

 

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A journey

I can relate to this so much!

“We become the illness without even realizing it and lose the people we once were – I’m on a journey to try and find that person again – to LIVE in between the flares.” – Unknown