When its dark enough…

For the past few years a day hasn’t gone by without some type of pain and exhaustion. I have never been in the “recovery” process. I have never been able to gain momentum. My illness has only gotten worse. For the past two and half years my symptoms has been severe everyday, and we have never been able to get a handle on pretty much anything.

I have my “normal” problems that I live with, but Every time my body has a crisis episode, I become severely ill, and my “normal” chronic level becomes worse. Every single time. It never goes back to where was. For the past two and years the “episodes” become more severe and more frequent.

Exactly two years ago my illness became a lot worse. I had one of the worst episodes I have ever had.

At the time I had swelling in my brain, along with a lot of other problems, and that changed the severity of my illness completely. The pain, and pressure in my head was unlike anything I had ever felt before. My mind and body went in survival mode. I didn’t think about anything accept the next step, the next minute. Eventually the swelling did go down, but my “normal” chronic level changed. My brain has never been same, the chemistry changed, everything became worse. Ever since then I felt some type of pain or fatigue almost every waking moment.

The problems didn’t end there, the past year and half I have had hundreds of appointments. I have tried hundreds of different supplements. I have spent hundreds of hours detoxing, working out scar tissue, fascia, adhesions, and a lot of other work. I had to have the ligaments, and tissue of my jaw fixed through other alternative treatments. The list continues to go on.

I try to take it one day at a time. One step at a time.

Even though my illness changed for the worse, I changed for the better. My perspective on life changed. The experienced changed me. It gave me strength.

It brought me closer to God. It has taught me how to be patient, and to trust God no matter what.

This continues to be a challenge I face everyday, but I guess its true what they say….When its dark enough, you can see the stars. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing worth having comes without a fight, got to kick the darkness ’til it bleeds daylight-Bruce Cockburn

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Small steps!

imageThe past few weeks I have been continuing to have treatment/adjustments almost everyday, and I been having to have a lot soft tissue muscle work done. My muscles have been severely tight. Even after I have treatments my muscle usually tighten back up within a few hours. I’m not sure how else to treat the pain right now. Even though I have been having a lot of pain lately I have been noticing some small improvements in other ways! My exhaustion has not been as quite as bad, and I have been able to sit up and walk around longer at times! This is the first time in months that my exhaustion hasnt been as overwhelming, and it is a relief. Even though the progress  is really slow, but it is definitely a step in the right direction! I am going to stick with the treatments and nutrition plan I am currently on, and continue to search for answers one question at a time.

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Patience

This past week the pain and fatigue have been horrible. We have been treating, and waiting for the infection to leave. We have also been trying to get rid of all of the inflammation in my brain, and my body. I had problems with Cebral spinal fluid(CSF) which then causes my oxygen levels to drop, and intense brain fog.

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Fortunately, today we were able to get some of the problems to subside a little bit. Most of the inflammation in my brain has gone down, and my CSF is running better. Being chronically sick, I have learned I have to be patient. Sometimes that can extremely difficult. When your tired and in pain you want to better now, not later. You want answers. You have to wait. Most of these things are out of my control. I have to rely on God.

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