When its dark enough…

For the past few years a day hasn’t gone by without some type of pain and exhaustion. I have never been in the “recovery” process. I have never been able to gain momentum. My illness has only gotten worse. For the past two and half years my symptoms has been severe everyday, and we have never been able to get a handle on pretty much anything.

I have my “normal” problems that I live with, but Every time my body has a crisis episode, I become severely ill, and my “normal” chronic level becomes worse. Every single time. It never goes back to where was. For the past two and years the “episodes” become more severe and more frequent.

Exactly two years ago my illness became a lot worse. I had one of the worst episodes I have ever had.

At the time I had swelling in my brain, along with a lot of other problems, and that changed the severity of my illness completely. The pain, and pressure in my head was unlike anything I had ever felt before. My mind and body went in survival mode. I didn’t think about anything accept the next step, the next minute. Eventually the swelling did go down, but my “normal” chronic level changed. My brain has never been same, the chemistry changed, everything became worse. Ever since then I felt some type of pain or fatigue almost every waking moment.

The problems didn’t end there, the past year and half I have had hundreds of appointments. I have tried hundreds of different supplements. I have spent hundreds of hours detoxing, working out scar tissue, fascia, adhesions, and a lot of other work. I had to have the ligaments, and tissue of my jaw fixed through other alternative treatments. The list continues to go on.

I try to take it one day at a time. One step at a time.

Even though my illness changed for the worse, I changed for the better. My perspective on life changed. The experienced changed me. It gave me strength.

It brought me closer to God. It has taught me how to be patient, and to trust God no matter what.

This continues to be a challenge I face everyday, but I guess its true what they say….When its dark enough, you can see the stars. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing worth having comes without a fight, got to kick the darkness ’til it bleeds daylight-Bruce Cockburn

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Pressure

What breaks you down is not the amount of pressure you feel at one time, but it’s the way you perceive and handle it.
Ashish Patel

Try

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time. – Thomas A. Edison

I don’t want look back on anything in life, and think that I could have tried harder. I want to know I did everything I could at time with what I was given.

James 1:12

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him” (James 1:12).

Persistence

per·sist·ence
firm or obstinate continuance in a course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition.

Every I face challenges. Every day is challenge. My exhaustion is severe and overwelming. The everyday brain fog is frustrating and hard to deal with. It has become hard to move. The reality of my illness is weird, this is my life at 19 years old? This can’t be all there is. I have to take it day by day, hour by hour. I keep working, keep trying. I have to have six appointments a week still. I hope we can find answers and relief.

Romans 15:13  May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.