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Thy will

Heard this song on the radio today, I had to share it! ❤

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Keep trying

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
Romans 12:12

Pain, sick, exhaustion, appointments kinda sums everything up.

I have so many symptoms I can’t keep track of them all.

I have spent so long trying to gain momentum, and I am still trying. This whole journey is frustrating. Everyday my strength is tested.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do other than just keep going, somehow.

1 Thes 3:3 so that no one would be unsettled by these trials. You know that we were destined for them.

2 Tim 1:8 Accept your share of the hardship that faithfulness to the gospel entails in the strength that God gives you.

Quick update!

quick update:

Some of my back and muscle pain has decreased a little bit, so that is the most positive thing that has happened. I have been extremely exhausted and my brain fog and heaviness has also been extreme. Overall my brain is very sluggish and its extremely difficult to process any information, and I have hard time getting my words to make sense. I have also been trying to get rid of a virus which has made feel even more sick. I am hoping I will be able to lessen the amount of my appointments, but I still need at least one about everyday. Please continue to pray!

Update prayers needed!

I am struggling a lot right now. I have been feeling horrible. My oxygen has been running really low. My body is very unstable. I got some more test results back and my neurotransmitters were severely low. I will try to update more later. I would greatly appreciate it if you kept me in your prayers! 

Fighting

Nothing about being chronically sick is easy. Being able to do little things usually seem like big things. Little dreams seem like big dreams.

Going a day without needing an appointment or going without pain, and exhaustion would be a amazing. Its been years since that has happened. I pray it will.

I am unable to drive, go to school, have a job. But fighting to get through the day, surviving the day, is a job all on its own.

Everyday seems like a fight. Everything I do, I fight to do it.

I fight everyday. I fight for my heath. I fight to live. I fight for a future.

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Even if I am feeling a little better my symptoms are still debilitating. Being able to sit up for an hour or so without too much pain or exhaustion is considered a better day. Being able to sit outside, or walking into the kitchen to get my food or drink is something I usually  have to push through to do. Even taking a shower, with a shower chair is still hard most of the time.

How did everything become this hard?

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I can’t run away from my illness. To get through this I have to face it head on, and that is what I try to do everyday.

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I don’t know direction I am headed in.

Do I even have a direction?

I know what my goal is, to get better, to live, not just survive. I guess I will start with that.

 

Daily devotional

Jesus Calling~ March 8th
Save your best striving for seeking My face. I am constantly communicating with you. To find Me and hear My voice, you must seek Me above all else. Anything that you desire more than Me becomes an idol. When you are determined to get your own way, you blot Me out of your consciousness. Instead of single-mindedly pursuing some goal, talk with Me about it. Let the Light of My Presence shine on this pursuit, so that you can see it from My perspective. IF the goal fits into My plans for you, I will help you reach it. IF it is contrary to My will for you, I will gradually change the desire of your heart. Seek Me first and foremost; then the rest of your life will fall into place, piece by piece.

Seek the Lord and His strength, seek His face continually. ~1 Chronicles 16:11

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.~Matthew 6:33

Sick

I am dealing with more brain swelling and bacteria. It is extremely painful. I have also been having problems with keeping normal levels of iron in my body. I need to get through this, and pray the swelling goes down soon!image

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Patience

This past week the pain and fatigue have been horrible. We have been treating, and waiting for the infection to leave. We have also been trying to get rid of all of the inflammation in my brain, and my body. I had problems with Cebral spinal fluid(CSF) which then causes my oxygen levels to drop, and intense brain fog.

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Fortunately, today we were able to get some of the problems to subside a little bit. Most of the inflammation in my brain has gone down, and my CSF is running better. Being chronically sick, I have learned I have to be patient. Sometimes that can extremely difficult. When your tired and in pain you want to better now, not later. You want answers. You have to wait. Most of these things are out of my control. I have to rely on God.

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