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Chronic illness…Gifs!

Gifs! ❤

Working on a blog post with intense brain fog is like:

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Living with a chronic illness:

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Having chronic pain:

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When I try to explain my life to someone:

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Always Remember:

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Honestly

Every single aspect of living a chronic illness is hard to handle. Everything in your life becomes harder, all the things you used to take for granted don’t come easy anymore.

Sometimes my illness gets the better of me. Sometimes, I hate how hard it can be to hold it all together. I hate how it controlled my life for so long. I hate the pain it has created.

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After seven and half years of dealing with my illness I have learned that no matter what stage my illness has been in that none of them have been easy to handle, it is all difficult. Before I found my current treatment this past summer, my illness came with difficulty like I have never faced before. For about four years or so my life was filled with continuous struggles, difficult battles, and constant pain like I have never felt before. Not being able to escape my illness.

There were so many days that I felt like I don’t know how I was supposed to handle everything. There were so many days I didn’t know how I could handle the same struggles with illness everyday. Everyday I would wake up and the fight was always there. There were so many times when I felt like I had hit my breaking point. All that I have wanted for so long is to feel better.

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But before my illness became so bad I always believed that I could feel better, and I knew I would try my hardest, and I would never quit. Since I have never had an official diagnosis for all of my problems, than no one could really tell me that I could never get better.

For a long time I never really wanted to admit that I couldn’t handle all this. At times it felt as if I was pretending is wasn’t that bad, like it didn’t affect me as much as it actually did. Who was I trying to convince, myself?

For some reason I remember a specific time  two years ago when I had admitted out loud for the first time (of what I can recall anyway) about how I don’t want to be sick anymore. I want to live, to do more than just survive. I’m tired. So tired. How can I keep doing this every single day? How can I handle anymore? I just want to be healthy, more than anything. Of course, I never wanted to be sick, and I always wanted my illness to go away, but for some reason I couldn’t say the words out loud before that point.

I used to think that would be a weakness admitting it was all to much, but its not. It made me feel as if a weight had lifted. It had change my perspective, and it helped me find an inner strength I didn’t know I had. It wasn’t till a year and half after that, that I would find what I had always been working towards. I found my path to recovery. The truth I know now is I was never going to be able to handle this on my own, my faith has kept me going, and to not give up hope.

1 John 5:5 Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  2 Timothy 4:7

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This journey has also taught me that the moments of joy you feel are important, even the smallest of moments. You can’t take them for granted.1a2da96d522eaf13d6350f8ff312ea07 The fight has never been easy, but overall with this feeling, this hope, this faith it has been worth it.

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Moment to Moment

 

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This perfectly describes what I was feeling for so long. The pain always there, everything seemed to make it worse. Everything was a hard. Living in survival mode, only able to think about the step right in front of me. Moment to moment. Changing my whole life to accommodate for the pain and exhaustion. Living in that place for over three years with no escape, it feels like a miracle not to be in that in that same place anymore. I still battle with my illness, but the fight is different. I finally feel free.

You say: “I can’t figure things out”
God says: I will direct your steps

You say: ” I can’t do it”
God says: You can do all things

You say: ” I can’t manage”
God says: I will supply all your needs

 

 

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Spoon theory

Life with a chronic illness

The spoon theory is an analogy used by some people with a disability and people with chronic illness to describe their everyday living experience when their disability or illness presents in a reduced amount of energy available for productive tasks.

Running out of spoons so quickly:

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Needing more spoons:

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Overwhelming fatigue

 

The overwhelming fatigue

Having Chronic Fatigue is more than being tired. The exhaustion can be unbearable. It is overwhelming to feel like this on a regular basis.

when the fatigue is overwhelming:

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when the fatigue stops you:

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When someone asks me what my plans are when my fatigue is really extreme:

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:When I am too tired to get out of the house:

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Having bad days:

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Having good days:

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Unclear

Sometimes when I look back on the last few years, it all kind of seems like a blur. Being in constant pain and feeling exhausted all the time the days just seem to blend together. Weeks turned into months, and somehow years went by.

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Looking back Its sort of feels like as if I was awake, but not truly aware of what was going on around me. I could see, but I didn’t know what I looking at. Life is passing by, but I am unable to keep up. Wanting to move, but unable to go anywhere. Searching for answers, only to find for more questions. Living in a fog, with the view ahead unclear.

While the view ahead is still unclear, the fog is slowly starting to clear.

“The only time you should look back, is to see how far you’ve come.” – unknown

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oh look! more gifs!

   more gifs about living with a chronic illness…

Me when I think about my illness:

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Trying to hide from my problems like:

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When I explain the craziness my illness brings to my life:

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When I have a low pain day:

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On a really bad pain day:

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Who I am

For the past few years my illness has taken over my whole life. I couldn’t escape the pain, and the exhaustion. I couldn’t think about anything but the pain or how to get rid of it. It wasn’t always this way. I tried living my life as normal as possible for a couple years, but as my illness became worse it gradually took over everything. Somewhere along the way I got lost in my illness.

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I guess I didn’t really know who I was before I got sick. I was twelve when I first got sick, so who really are you when your only twelve years old? Being sick changed me. I mean, how could it not? I don’t know who I would be if I wouldn’t have gotten sick.

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My illness is not me, and its not who I will become. I am ready to figure out who I am aside from my illness.

tumblr_lyd8jo6Ssx1qj0z5oo1_500I don’t know what lies ahead, but I am ready to figure it out.

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