Keep trying

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
Romans 12:12

Pain, sick, exhaustion, appointments kinda sums everything up.

I have so many symptoms I can’t keep track of them all.

I have spent so long trying to gain momentum, and I am still trying. This whole journey is frustrating. Everyday my strength is tested.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do other than just keep going, somehow.

1 Thes 3:3 so that no one would be unsettled by these trials. You know that we were destined for them.

2 Tim 1:8 Accept your share of the hardship that faithfulness to the gospel entails in the strength that God gives you.

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When its dark enough…

For the past few years a day hasn’t gone by without some type of pain and exhaustion. I have never been in the “recovery” process. I have never been able to gain momentum. My illness has only gotten worse. For the past two and half years my symptoms has been severe everyday, and we have never been able to get a handle on pretty much anything.

I have my “normal” problems that I live with, but Every time my body has a crisis episode, I become severely ill, and my “normal” chronic level becomes worse. Every single time. It never goes back to where was. For the past two and years the “episodes” become more severe and more frequent.

Exactly two years ago my illness became a lot worse. I had one of the worst episodes I have ever had.

At the time I had swelling in my brain, along with a lot of other problems, and that changed the severity of my illness completely. The pain, and pressure in my head was unlike anything I had ever felt before. My mind and body went in survival mode. I didn’t think about anything accept the next step, the next minute. Eventually the swelling did go down, but my “normal” chronic level changed. My brain has never been same, the chemistry changed, everything became worse. Ever since then I felt some type of pain or fatigue almost every waking moment.

The problems didn’t end there, the past year and half I have had hundreds of appointments. I have tried hundreds of different supplements. I have spent hundreds of hours detoxing, working out scar tissue, fascia, adhesions, and a lot of other work. I had to have the ligaments, and tissue of my jaw fixed through other alternative treatments. The list continues to go on.

I try to take it one day at a time. One step at a time.

Even though my illness changed for the worse, I changed for the better. My perspective on life changed. The experienced changed me. It gave me strength.

It brought me closer to God. It has taught me how to be patient, and to trust God no matter what.

This continues to be a challenge I face everyday, but I guess its true what they say….When its dark enough, you can see the stars. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing worth having comes without a fight, got to kick the darkness ’til it bleeds daylight-Bruce Cockburn

Unpredictable

 Living with severe, debilitating symptoms I can never let my guard down.

Everyday is unpredictable.

Every few hours I have to continually try to treat my symptoms or it becomes out of control.

Not only does the pain and exhaustion get worse, but my whole body functions extremely slow. My organs, lymphatic, CSF, slow down severely. The pain becomes unbearable. I can’t function like this.

Soon I have symptoms on top symptoms, and my body goes down hill very quickly. I have to dig myself out of a hole just to get back up to my “regular” chronic symptoms.

How I am supposed to break this pattern?

I won’t give up.

You say, “It’s impossible.” God says, “All things are possible.” (Luke 18:27)

You say, “I can’t do it.” God says, “You can do all things.” (Philippians 4:13)

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Try

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time. – Thomas A. Edison

I don’t want look back on anything in life, and think that I could have tried harder. I want to know I did everything I could at time with what I was given.